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Humour 
Poke at Microsoft
Microsoft Buys USA
MicroSoft buys USA
Press release:
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to
accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced
today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States
of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth",
said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a
positive arrangement for everyone". Microsoft representatives held
a briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill
Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal".
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft.
An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal
government is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest",
according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a related announcement,
Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically"
accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue
to manage the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates.
When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to
Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He
went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".
Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft. Gates dismissed
a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly",
though did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S. government
from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say
that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look
how well we're doing". When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition
of Canada was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions
are taking place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference
by stating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes,
increases in government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
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