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"Information Flow in the Software Industry."

Programmer to Team Leader: "We can't do this proposed project. **CAN NOT**. It will involve a Major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take these type of projects".

Team Leader to Project Manager: "This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have any staff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language is unfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on a project of this nature".

Project Manager to 1st Level Manager: "This project involves a design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company are appropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able to do the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it".

1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager: "This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have worked in this area and others who know the implementation language. So they can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take this project, but with caution".

Senior Level Manager to CEO: "This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities in re-modelling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all the necessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house training in this area to other staff members. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by us under any circumstances".

CEO to Client: "This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We have executed many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust me when I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doing this kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute this project successfully and well within the given time frame". (From Dan Park)

Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for a lifetime.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning label.

Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Q: Did you hear about the Microsoft crystal ball?
A: Ask it something and it replies: "Answer unclear. Add 20 Meg of RAM and ask again later."

Q: Why don't the British build computers?
A: Because they can't figure out how to make them leak oil!

Q: Somebody asked me "What happens to programmers when they die?"
A: They get reallocated?
Their values become undefined?
The get re-initialised?
Their structures break down?
They become WORM food...
They start dropping bits........
They branch to a new address!
Their social system resources are released?
They dump core? [a coredump is the result of an abort()ion]

Q: What do you get when you cross 200K of apples and lots of garbage?
A: A core dump

Have you heard about the new Cray? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

Have you heard about the new Cray? It's so fast, it requires TWO halt instructions to stop it!

Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has a 1500 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 150 gigabytes of disk storage, a screen resolution of 1600x1600 pixels, relies entirely on voice recognition for input, fits in your shirt pocket, and costs £300.
What's the first question that the computer community asks?
"Is it PC compatible?

Q: What do you call a computer scientist?
A: It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.

Q: What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common?
A: Access time.

Q: What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny?
A: Mount a file-system.

Q: How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist?
A: He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" -- Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

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