Humour Our Power User Working On A Helldesk

You Know You Work On A Helpdesk

You find yourself typing 'com' after every period when using a word processor.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as john.smith@freespace.net.

Your spouse drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you what they look like.

All your friends have an '@' in their name.

You can't call your mother - she doesn't have a modem.

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

You tell the cab driver you live at:
http://13.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.

You refer to 'going to the bathroom' as [downloading].

You laugh at people with 2400 modems.

Your spouse makes a new rule: 'the computer can't come to bed.'

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.

You start tilting your head sideways to smile :-)

You turn on your computer and turn off your spouse.

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat...

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3.1 or higher."

You name your children Eudora, Pegasus and Dotcom.

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.

You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two just for the free Internet access.

You start using smileys in your snail mail.

The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.

Your hard drive crashes...You haven't logged in for 2 hours! You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. AND YOU SUCCEED!

You have to get a 2nd job to pay your phone bill.

Your gravestone will have a quit message instead of RIP.

There is absolutely no interesting conversation in any of the rooms on mirc, but you stay on just in case you miss something.

You double click on your tv remote control.

You can now type over 70 wpm.

You spend at least 30 minutes making sure everyone says goodbye to you.

You read the idea about replacing your chair with a toilet and try to do it.

You join a help channel and end up answering the questions instead of asking the question that you needed answering.

You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to see if you had any mail and while you were there you just wanted to "see who's on".

You have a minicom phone and you aren't deaf.

You stop going over to your friend's house because they don't have mirc.

You start typing in your sleep.

You keep logs on file for the memories.

Your service provider calls *you* for technical support.

You once devoted your weekend to "work on your popups".

You have over 2Gb of wave files ("2 Gb, is that all!?!")

You have to get a 2nd phone line so you can ring 'Pizza Hut'.

You begin to say hehehehehe instead of laughing.

You watch tv and you keep saying "that would make a good WAV file!"

You name your pets after people on mirc.

You say that you are hiding under a chair, then actually go and do it.

You start school one day and wish you could /ignore everyone.

You start getting withdrawal symptoms during dinner and raise your hand and say "op me !!"

You say to someone annoying, "This is your final warning, next time you will be kicked !"

You dream in HTML.

You Know you're Sick of Working in I.T. when...

You try to enter your PC logon password on the microwave.

You haven't played patience with real cards in years.

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes".

Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.

You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.

When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.

You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.

You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.

You learn about your redundancy on the 9 o'clock news.

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.

Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.

Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.

Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

The work experience person gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.

Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

You're already late on the assignment you just got.

There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

Your boss's favourite lines are: When you've got a few minutes..Could you fit this in...?...in your spare time...when you're freed up I know you're busy but...I have an opportunity for you...

Holiday is something you roll over to next year.

The only reason you recognise your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.

As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "mates you send jokes to" e-mail group.

It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can't be bothered to check so you forward it anyway!

When Phoning Support